Pervert!

(Originally published 12/7/2005)

For some reason, I get alot of Bulk email from porn sites. Maybe because I’m a member of about 30 porn sites. Regardless, the subjects of these emails often strike me as funny. They sound like they’ve been translated into English from Chinese. Some examples:

Teen with glasses facialized (What does that mean? Sounds like this teen has had a procedure done. I hope she’s OK.)

Rosebuds left gaping after filthy attacks with horses (This sounds strikingly similar to a poem I wrote in high school during my Goth faze.)

Classy curly haired blond babe shows upskirt new (I have no idea what an upskirt is but it sounds adorable.)

Vixens nailed and left with gaping holes (Oh, my. That sounds traumatic. Hope they don’t need to be facialized.)

Skinny boy doing mom in kitchen AND Dad is insatiable screwing his daughter (Obviously I was targeted by these sites’ marketers because I’m from Mississippi.)

Cute dolly chick do a very deep throat action (Isn’t this what the prostitute says in Full Metal Jacket?)

Juicy busty redhead sucking and f*cking in her a** (I think Juicy Busty would make a fabulous name for a drag queen.)

Hot eurogirls diddling their holes (I don’t know what diddling means but based on the content I assume it has something to do with gardening.)

Dirty chicks need loving too (Amen, sister.)

It flows away from her openings (Is this a porn ad or an ad for feminene hygiene?)

Sexy amateur girl get banged by an old pervert (Makes you think about your first time, doesn’t it?)

You want to measure your penis but it is afraid of the ruler (Dang, talk about bad luck. If you can’t even get an everyday household item to go near it then you must be eat up with ugly.)

Spreads her friends holes (Isn’t that nice of her? So giving.)

Pink nipple girl playing with her toy in the basin (Pink Nipple Girl sounds like a superhero’s name.)

Although I find these subject headings hilarious I have grown tired of receiving them. I cannot open my email around other people for fear of them seeing "Hairy pu**y japenese in both holes" in my email box. It’s embarrassing enough that I get Belinda Carlisle email alerts. If I knew anything about computers besides how to log onto the internet I would try to fix it. Instead of learning how to do so I think I’ll go watch Oprah.